The post I kept avoiding

Oh man.

Isn't it totally annoying when someone blogs for awhile consistently and then disappears without another word?

So sorry.

I started 20-30 posts in my head between June and now, but I just couldn't sit down to write. The words wouldn't come - even today I am struggling.

I am in a valley right now. 

The reasons why aren't important. What is important is that I am letting the reasons consume me and my faith feels like it's fading and most days I have to remind myself to be more hopeful.

There, I said it.
Ew, that sounds awful.

Here's the thing: I know that this is simply a bad stretch. We ALL have bad stretches. You have all walked down a hard road at some point in your life. In many ways, my rock-strewn path is nothing compared to what some of you have journeyed through.

But there I go, comparing myself to you again. Let's call that Problem #1.

Problem #2 is more tied to a slew of disappointments. Mostly expectations that should never have been, and are hard to overcome.

Problem #3 is just some bad luck. Of course we have another medical bill. Of course the hot water heater is broken. Of course we took the side mirror off of our car.

And I find myself saying over and over that 2014 just hasn't been my year.

BUT. 

I am only choosing to see the bad, the hard. Truth is, lots of very amazing things have happened this year; it is absolute insanity for me to not be grateful for these.

And when I am really honest with myself - if I sit and recite those harder moments in my head - it's an embarrassingly shallow list of small problems that feel way bigger than they are. I don't say that to belittle ANYTHING tough, as if one problem is always harder than another. I say this to point out that my perspective is still in tact enough to see the difference.

But just barely.

So it's time to focus on getting healthy.

I'll be deactivating my Facebook site for awhile. I've tossed my Instagram. While I will miss keeping up with all of your lives, I won't miss wondering what's happening to mine when I play the comparison game. For me, that's a very slippery slope and incredibly distracting. Someday I pray it won't be.

But I have renewed my commitment to blogging because writing is soul-healing, and I forgot that. So don't leave this space! Bookmark the site or sign up to receive email notifications when I post.

Only if you want to, of course.

I vow to share all the ways God is taking the battered me and raising the better me.

And so we begin again.

"EVERYBODY is beginning again, every single day. Folks who don’t know that are missing out on the terror and beauty and power of a fresh start." -- Momastery