1 and 2, done and done!

I did it! I crossed numbers 1 and 2 off my 40 by 40 list!

Actually, it was more like I completed "number 17" and one item that just made this list, but the point is I tried two new things.

My list has only 20-odd items on it right now, so plenty of room for creativity as I move through the next few months. No big rules here; that's not my style. Checking things off IS my style, though, so this feels like a good start.

So in the spirit of being held accountable, here's what I did:

1. Try a new cuisine 
Most people who know me know I will eat just about anything ... which is precisely the opposite of Scott ... but I don't typically venture into a wide variety of ethnic cuisine when I go out to eat. But not last night! I had a dinner date with a friend, and we decided to try something entirely new. We went to Himal Chuli in Madison for some Nepalese cuisine. The postage stamp-sized restaurant is tucked away on State Street, and is one I normally would have passed up. But it was really good! Not the type of food I would want all the time, but definitely something I could have the occasional craving for. We tried the samosas (vegetable pastries), the dal (bean soup), and the momocha (dumplings). Oh, and the chai tea - which I wouldn't normally enjoy because I'm a coffee girl, but it was pretty good (not as good as the old-fashioned we had afterward at Nostrano's, though!)

The evidence:

2. Do a random run
I've lived in my neighborhood for 9 years. I've lived in Sun Prairie for almost 15 years. I've run all over this little community training for various distances. There are stretches of time when this drives me totally batty. I wanted to feel energized again, so today I literally closed my eyes, turned around 3 times, and pointed to a map of Madison. Where my finger landed, I was going to run today.

a wonderful random pick, eh?

Now, there are parts of Madison that I was hoping my finger wouldn't find. Luckily, I pointed right to Maple Bluff, which is a little sliver of beauty on one of Madison's lakes. I couldn't have picked a prettier run, really. I parked down by Tenney Park and ran 3 miles along the shore. When I arrived I noticed some storage pods and no parking signs, and then I remembered ... the Madison Marathon is this weekend. Kind of sweet to run some of the route those brave souls will be attempting on Sunday.

All in all, a great run. Slump broken.

In other news - I am also so, so excited right now because the Spirit of Giving program that I help manage alongside some other fantastic volunteers is kicking into gear BIG time. Right before my run, I picked up half of the 193-letter pile we received this week ... all of these applications from families who have asked us to sponsor their children for Christmas. YES! Last year, this number would have freaked me out, but already we have 500 of these children sponsored by some generous churches and local organizations. Already. For real, this program is so inspiring. Much more on this later ...

Make the weekend magical!

40 by 40

Man, I have really missed this.

It's been awhile. Two whole months. I took time off from blogging to unplug and prepare for what's usually an epic season of our life. And it was good. I learned the fine art of being still. I practiced being more disciplined. Believe me when I say this is no small feat. And during this time, I felt less rushed and more at peace than I remember for most Septembers.

But maybe I should have started back sooner.

Sometime in October, I fell into a valley. It was a hard place for me. It was cold, lonely, quiet. Every small disappointment felt magnified. My Godfidence was waning with each day. He felt absent, and I felt the distance acutely.

Mind you, nothing traumatic had happened to jumpstart these feelings. In fact, I can rattle off a list of blessings a mile long. But the thing is, nothing was happening at all. No change, no variety, no movement with anything. I hit the peak of what I could handle during a fun girl's weekend (such bad timing, right?) when one more minor disappointment had occurred, and before I buried the feelings so they wouldn't overtake my night, I muttered to a friend, "Have you ever felt like you were going nowhere?"

That's the first time I really realized what had been bothering me for weeks. The feeling of being stuck. Since I've started this blog, I had this venue to help me uncover what I'm feeling. Without it, it took loads longer.

So I'm back to writing again.

And soon, I'll be back to me again.

At church today, we watched a video with a touching backstory about a new song. The artist made reference to feeling disconnected from God during a very dark time in her life, but that she kept pressing on, kept believing in His promises, kept holding to truths -- especially when she didn't feel like it. When it felt like more a motion than an emotion.

When we're bold enough to do this, we will feel God in us again. That's a guarantee.

So back to feeling like I'm going nowhere. If I take one step in a new direction, that's somewhere. That's something, even if it doesn't feel like much progress. Eventually, it will feel real again. I know this.

In this spirit, I have issued myself a challenge. Do 40 new things by the time I'm 40. I've got 26 weeks. Loads of time, but not so much that I can let it slide. And by "new things" I don't necessarily mean crazy things. Folks, I'm not skydiving.

And I don't mean things that are only about me. In fact, I'd love for most of my 40 things to be about others. Small adventures that bring joy.

I've started a list, but it's pretty small, which means there's room to add to the fun. If you want to try something new and you're looking for someone to take along on the journey, let me know! I love a great idea.

And yep, I'll certainly report back here. On all 40. Maybe there will be four in one week; maybe I'll go a few weeks without anything to share from that piece of my journey. And just maybe I'll encounter God in a way I never have before.

Small steps, but steps nonetheless. Let's go somewhere.

Be back soon

Be back soon, you say?

But you haven't really been on here in awhile.

Yep, true. I had a completely undisciplined summer.

glorious.

Which was good ... and necessary so that my normal overly planned self could act on her occasionally spontaneous nature. But here we are, out of time, out of money, needing to get back into a healthier lifestyle.

Because I only like routines for a short time frame, I've always struggled with being disciplined. I tend to jump on and off a bandwagon rapidly, and justify it with saying crazy things like, But I like change.

But I've had this thing lately -- This feeling that if I died tomorrow, would I be satisfied with what I've done with my life?

Big, ole heavy thought. I know. But there it is, punching me in the gut now and again.

Lest you go off thinking I'm announcing a pilgrimage to foreign lands or a major change of direction in life, let me assure you that's not the case. I also don't have a bucket list. But there are things I want to do ... some for me, some for you. Some for those who aren't blessed regularly and need it most.

And to do this, I need to get my time back.

My sister-in-law recently sent each of us a wonderfully personalized card, sweet as can be. And I remembered when I used to do that for people, before I got caught up in a schedule that's managing me instead of the other way around. Before I got caught up in worry over things I don't need to. Before I became self-consumed (which happened long before summer).

And I realized: I don't want to lose any more time.

So first order of business is to take a break from blogging for a bit. (A legit, planned break - not one where I walk away from posting and feel guilty all the time). And, taking a page from a favorite blogger who put herself in internet detox for 40 days, I am going to walk away from constant online-ness.

So if I miss saying happy birthday on Facebook to you, please know that in my heart I am totally giving you major birthday love, friend. And if I don't answer emails right away, it's not me ignoring you. It's me practicing discipline. Finally.

I will definitely be back soon because I - heart - writing and need to do it more.

But first, a solid routine. Without that, I've learned, I won't go anywhere I want to go, am being called to go.

And you can't ignore a calling.

Life is good, make the most of it.

Too much

I like things simple. Clean. Uncluttered.

But I don't always know how to get there. Throw me square into a pile of junk, and I have no idea where to start. Set me down somewhere tidy and I will be able to keep it that way.

Since having children (well, and even since having a husband) this is not realistic. My life is cluttered, in more ways than one. And there are parts of that I like, because the messiness is often reflective of a life well-lived. A full life.

Then there's "too much." Over the years, I have gained a greater appreciation for what "too much" means. For a half-dozen years now, I've been taking part in garage sales, selling hundreds of dollars of STUFF each spring. You think I'd have nothing left by now, but unfortunately that's not the case. (How is it possible, since I have less money to spend on stuff than ever before!)

I know I am incredibly blessed. By and large, all the stuff in my house represents a loving and thoughtful gift or act of kindness, mixed in with the occasional "what the ...?" buys that my kids have talked me into over the years.

But it's more than I need. And I know this because if you take a worldview of our financial situation, it's shocking. Reading Interrupted by Jen Hatmaker recently has re-opened my eyes to that fact, to the truth that even being poor in America has its distinct advantages. A few stats from her book:

• The wealthiest 1 billion people in the world average $70 a day.
• If you make $35,000 annually, you are in the top 4 percent. At $50,000 annually, you are in the top 1 percent. (what?!)
• We spend more annually on trash bags than nearly half the world spends on all good combined
• 8 percent of the rest of the world owns a car
• One-third of all American families own 3 cars

It's hard to imagine. Scott and I are decidedly smack in the middle of middle-class when it comes to our salary, which is comfortable. But there are times when it feels tight. That's the reality of life in America. But when you look at those numbers, it's almost unfathomable (did I spell that right?) that we feel this way when the rest of the world doesn't. Or can't. 

And the bigger question: what should we really be doing with all of our excess?

My oh my.

So at our house, we are challenging ourselves to live on less, to have less. For those of you who know Scott, this isn't much of a stretch. He's the guy who claims he can live in a cardboard box (um, yeah...). I'll admit to being more of the "keeping up with the Jones's" type. This challenge is definitely a stretch for me.

But one benefit? An uncluttered house. And that just started with the basement. I know the photos aren't great, but you get the idea:

Before

And after

Clutter removed and the rest organized. Selling or donating the excess. It's a place to start.

Challenge ON.

Random thoughts v.3

It's time for another episode of random thoughts. Mostly because it's been awhile, but also because it's summer and I don't feel much like conquering "big" posts these days as I am busy balancing running around and doing absolutely nothing. The recipe for the perfect summer.

-- Yesterday, I did a night run, my absolute favorite. OK, really, it was a sundown run. This is probably one of the best parts of summer. I cut my running teeth on night runs. I know - it doesn't seem like the smartest decision, but Scott watches out for me, and I must have passed 10 others that night with the same idea. It was the kind of run where I was dodging little toads and sucking on humid air just begging for a thunderstorm to arrive to sweep it away. And maybe it's the mystery of the night, but I always run 10xs faster than I do in the morning. Which is good, because I have a goal of running a 5K in sub-24 minutes before I am 40. And by sub-24, I mean I am perfectly comfortable with a 23:59.

-- Monday arrived gloomy and cool, and I took complete advantage of the inside time by purging all the stuff in my house. Organizing drawers, dumping junk. Now, I am pretty good at regular trashing. Once a year I gather all my extras for a spring garage sale. But, the latest message series at church is hitting home in a big way, and I feel overwhelmed with the excess in my world. Crazy. Overwhelmed. And we had the house for sale for awhile, which made me look at my basement everyday and say, "Really? Do I want to move this?" So I cleaned the basement last night. Reorganized. Took heaps of junk to the garage. Unearthed about 5 totes of "memories" to go through, things I am sure that Scott and I will laugh about, and some items we will have difficulty parting with. But here we go. I really, really feel like God wants me to be free from my stuff. Something is in the works, I think.

More on excess in a later post, because there is much more to say.

-- Did I mention how much I LOVE having Scott home for the summer? Cause I sincerely, deeply love it. The temperature of our family mood is resting in ultra-comfortable. Yesterday, the boys rented a boat and went fishing on a whim. They had a competition: who could catch the most panfish. They caught a bunch of little guys, not worth keeping, but provided hours of fun. This is the life.

-- We also ventured to Packer Family Night for the first time and had a blast together ALL day. That is so rare for us, a full day of time together uninterrupted by little plans apart. We meandered through Oshkosh on the way up so the kids could watch all the flyovers during EAA. Scott and I reminisced as we drove through campus. We may have almost stopped at Kelly's. But the Pack was waiting.

-- I've been shooting some pics in black and white this summer, and it is my new favorite. Here's one from a recent camping trip with friends. I call it "Boys in a Meadow." I know, so clever with the words. You must be blown away ...

-- My friend Katie is always rocking my world with some new truth that makes me see the world differently. Her latest is Jen Hatmaker's book, Interrupted. Transformational. Utterly eye-opening, and I feels completely in tune with her thinking. Again I say, something is in the works.

Make it an amazing August, friends. As I like to say, savor every sunset. (And this is why sundown runs are so fantastic!)